Flossie picks inopportune moment

I’m sure most dog owners will agree, we are well-versed in all matters concerning dog poo.

We know exactly when our dogs have been, where they have been and whether said poo is of an acceptable nature. If it isn’t, this concerns us, and if they haven’t been for a while, we worry about that too.

When we’re out on a walk, I know that Flossie will need to go within the first ten minutes. Recently, this window has coincided with us walking past the busy building site adjacent to our local lane. I try to usher her past, preferring to conduct our ritual in relative privacy.

I don’t always succeed.

Once she has selected the location, Flossie is committed. She trots up and down and spins many, (many!) times. I wait patiently while simultaneously preparing a poo bag. I don’t know why I find this awkward, but I do. Diggers and trucks trundle past as I twirl the poo bag and secure it with a knot.

Flossie has a habit of choosing the most inopportune moments to do her business. The other week she excelled herself by defecating in front of a funeral procession.

We had negotiated the building site and were approaching a roadblock when a hearse, clearly carrying precious cargo, rolled up alongside us. We paused for a couple of minutes while the man who controlled the barrier arrived in his van and set about moving it so the hearse and its entourage could continue.

We stood slightly behind and to one side of the hearse which seemed respectful. I did feel awkward that a poo bag dangled from my hand but I kept it out of sight.

And then Flossie decided that this was an ideal opportunity for a repeat performance, right next to the hearse. Round and round she spun.

We had a full audience and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

For some reason I tried to make the pick-up operation reverent. I’m almost certain it wasn’t.

I didn’t dare look at the occupants of the funeral cars.